Parents expect 23-year-old pregnant daughter to take care of her young half-siblings, scold her when she sets boundaries: 'They pushed you one step too far'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 21, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

"Parentification" is a word that we should all come to learn, and fight against. It means what it sounds like it means-- turning a child (usually an older sibling) into a parental figure, even when they're just a kid themselves. It's a prevalent issue and can turn families inside out. Just because you were born earlier doesn't mean you signed on to the responsibilities of raising a child. You are still entitled to a childhood of your own, unburdened by duties your parents thrust upon you. 

Sure, it's nice to help your family out, and you might have a genuine desire to look after your young sibs, but when people start to count on you for it, that's when it becomes an issue. For example, what happens when you decide to have kids of your own? When does the parentification become too much? That's the situation one family was in when things came to a head at a family dinner. Read on for the story.

Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10405336064
    via Gui França
  • 02
    AITA for snapping at my parents for treating me more like a second mom than their daughter?
    via u/throwraaobvrsns
  • 03
    | 23F am the oldest of three siblings. My parents divorced when I was 6 and both of them moved on. My mom remarried had two kids then divorced again. My dad has a daughter with his current girlfriend. We're a big mixed family and we actually all get along pretty well. I love my siblings and I help with them a lot. Especially when we have family gatherings. But lately it feels like I'm expected to do everything. My parents only really talk to me when they want something.
    via u/throwraaobvrsns
  • 04
    Now I'm 3 months pregnant with my fiancé and two weeks ago we had a family gathering. Like usual. I ended up watching all the kids. I didn't mind much until after dinner. I sat down with a brownie sundae when my little sister (one of my mom's kids) asked for a bite. I gave her some but then she kept asking for more and I ended up giving
    via u/throwraaobvrsns
  • 05
    her most of it. My fiancé said "Okay now leave your big sister some" and my dad responded with something like. "You should realize an older sister is like a second mother and that won't change even when she has her own kids"
    via u/throwraaobvrsns
  • 06
    That hurt a little. I had really wanted that dessert but I gave it up for my sister anyway. And hearing my dad basically say that I'll always be expected to take care of everyone even when I have my own baby just hurt. My fiancé tried to brush it off and I went to see if there was still some left but my parents gott defensive and started listing all the things an older sister should/expected to do.
    via u/throwraaobvrsns
  • 07
    I snapped and told them they've never really treated me like a daughter. Just someone who's expected to help out all the time. I immediately regretted it and apologized but my mom grabbed
    via u/throwraaobvrsns
  • 08
    my sister and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. My dad didn't say anything but now he barely responds to my texts. I'm worried I messed up my relationship with my parents and siblings. Did I overreact or how do I fix this?
    via u/throwraaobvrsns
  • 09
    Comfortable-Sea-2454 · 8h ago • NTA My fiancé said "Okay now leave your big sister some" and my dad responded with something like "You should realize an older sister is like a second mother and that won't change even when she has her own kids" It sounds like you have been parentified your entire life. Your parents and younger siblings
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 10
    need to learn you are not their parent, you are an older sister. When you have your baby he/she will be come your main focus and your parents are going to have to get on board with that!!! Good luck OP, somehow I think you are going to need it.
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 11
    New_Combination2430 • 8h ago You didn't overreact. Clearly, they pushed you one step too far. Given that you are pregnant, creating a gap between your new baby and your younger siblings in terms of expectations is not a bad thing. Your baby will take preference over your siblings, and especially young siblings will not like that given the way your parents have paretified you.
    via u/New_Combination2430
  • 12
    Don't worry they will come crawling back when the need something from you - this little game is just intended to have you feeling guilty and get you back into line so that they can continue to put upon you.
    via u/New_Combination2430
  • 13
    throwraaobvrsns OP • 6h ago Thanks for this. You're probably right. I guess I've been too focused on not upsetting anyone but I can't keep being the go-to person. Especially with a baby on the way. It's just hard not to feel guilty even though I know I shouldn't. And yeah It's definitely a pattern with them... they pull away when they don't get their way but come right back when they need something. Time to break the cycle I guess
    via u/throwraaobvrsns
  • 14
    Equivalent-Moose2886 .7h ago NTA. Especially now you have your own little one on the way you owe it to yourself to set boundaries, and it sounds like it's long overdue. The fact that your dad even said that you're a like second mom is really messed up. You are not a second mom, you did not overreact, and you should take some space from them so they can see how much you do for them.
    via u/Equivalent-Moose2886
  • 15
    It's time you focus on you and your own expanding family, and not being free childcare to your parents.
    via u/Equivalent-Moose2886
  • 16
    ConfidentCelesty • 7h ago YTA to yourself. Why would you apologise to your parents when you're not in the wrong? It just makes them more entitled. It's time to build your boundaries and start saying no to their requests. Remember this, no one can make you feel inferior if you don't consent to it.
    via u/ConfidentCelesty
  • 17
    lolhoomie 8h ago NTA • Your parents try to guilt trip you.
    via u/lolhoomie
  • 18
    chillxcherry .7h ago NTA. And you're not overreacting. Being an older sibling doesn't mean you should constantly be treated as a second parent, especially when you're about to have your own child. Your parents should recognize that you deserve to be treated like their daughter and not like a second mom
    via u/chillxcherry
  • 19
    throwaway-rayray . 7h ago NTA it sounds like you've been - parentified. They also have made clear they have no intention of stopping. Even when you have kids of your own to worry about, you're the servant to them and their other kids. Please stand up for yourself, you're so meek even in your post worrying about what they think for you daring to point out you're not these kids parent.
    via u/throwaway-rayray
  • 20
    Logical-Cost4571 • 5h ago NTA 1. stop apologising because they are in the wrong 2. they aren't talking to you because they are ashamed of themselves but probably can't admit it yet
    via u/Logical-Cost4571
  • 21
    3. give everyone some space. You are about to become a mum yourself. You need to make them get ready for you not being there 4. stop giving in to your siblings. It is a sure fire way to turn them into spoilt brats
    via u/Logical-Cost4571
  • 22
    slendermanismydad . 6h ago my parents gott defensive and started listing all the things an older sister should/expected to do. First of all, NO. They're lazy and you don't even live with them. You're about to have your own kid and both of these think you exist to help them? I raised my brother. For what? How old are these kids that they're stealing your food?
    via u/slendermanismydad

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

childcare Babies teens aita infant kids teenagers moms parenting dad cute kids pregnant reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
Scroll Down For The Next Article